An open letter to anyone who puts stock in the NBA Awards

Oh yeah, the much anticipated e-mail from the league office arrived yesterday, carrying with it the ballots for the post-season awards.

And like a kid a Christmas, I opened it eagerly to see what I got.

A tough job is what I got.

How about MVP, Coach of the Year and Rookie of the Year.

Three difficult, difficult choices. Luckily, there’s a couple of weeks left before they have to be returned. It’ll give me some thinking to do.

Dear sirs and madams,

If fretting or squabbling about the true, right and honourable recipient of the coveted Most Valuable Player medal whilst the season of basketball winds to its end, remember sirs and madams that the governing council of such accolades includes one such Douglas Perriweather Smithington IV; and that Sir Smithington considers the delicate nuances of the glorious sport of shooting orange rubber apparati through a peach basket about as intelligently as a monkey thinks about poo.

Yours truly,

FDS

Beat grunting is a seriously objectively serious business

Straight to the hall of fame, this Sean Marks: 

And I tell ya, he’s one of the really good guys.

We’re in San Antonio at a finals one year, he’s playing for the Spurs. It’s an off-day and the last thing a gaggle of grunts wants to do for dinner is fight the crowds on the Riverwalk so I asked Sean for a recommendation and he tells us to go to the Quarry Market, sit outside at this one place and it’ll be great.

So, Toronto, Philly, Minneapolis and Jersey all head out there, we’re having a lovely dinner and here comes a round of cocktails, courtesy of Mr. Marks, who’s sitting at a table over there.

Did Matt Bonner never buy Lord Grunting a meatball sub? Tsk, tsk. 

Wait... The Toronto Star paid for Doug Smith to go to the NBA Finals? 

In the same post:

You know I’m not a big stats geek at all, in fact I think the fact most of them can be bent to suit any purpose renders them a very insignificant part of most conversations but, still, 22 points and 19 assists is darn impressive.

Noting boxscores now qualifies for stats geekery?

"You know I'm not a physics geek at all, in fact I think the fact [sic] most of Newton's laws can be bent to suit any purpose renders them a very insignificant part of most conversations but, every time I try to jump, I land back down on the ground and that is darn impressive."

Money doesn't grow on trees, it sprouts from assfaces

This made me choke on my apple sauce:

One kind of funny anecdote: when I was gathering some thoughts on the topic of how the economy might impact the coming free agent class, I suggested to Shawn Marion that there was the possibility that he might have to sign for the mid-level this summer. He looked confused. I'm not sure it has ever crossed his mind.

A grunt you can believe in

Now, before any of you get too worked up, he’s [Marc Iavaroni] here to be an observer, won’t be on the bench or anything this year and is not – I repeat IS NOT – going to be the next head coach of the Raptors.

Just because The Doug said something definitive about anything, I'm going to have to assume that Marc Iavaroni is now the front-runner to be the Raptors next head coach. While I'm not in the mood to look up old "the Raptors are taking a serious look at Travis Best" columns, you'll have to trust me that Doug's certainties are proof of concept for the kind of insider aggrandizing that makes grunts grunts and us non-grunts. Here's hoping he returns to more familiar ground -- wild speculation peppered with hokey, colloquial blue-skying.

[further down the post]

Can you envision Jay with Iavaroni as his lead assistant? I can. And I’m pretty sure there are people in the organization who can.

[further still]

Well, a wise man or two suggested that maybe they make a call to P.J. Carlisemo.

Great assistant, history of winning, probably done as a head coaching prospect after three shots at it, familiar with Jay from the summer Olympic team gigs, familiar with Bryan from the same thing.

Make sense?

A bit, you have to admit.

Ahh. That's the good shit.

Doug v. Doug

Grogginess: 

This really getting a bit tedious, isn’t it?
...

Action: Yeah, like there was any last night.

Reaction: 65 down, 17 to go.

That’s about all I’ve got off that one, folks

Doesn't it seem like Senor Grog is getting sick of it all? Like following this sad little team is pathetic and he just wishes it was over just like the fans? Buck up, Big Doug! I'll let none other than you, in all your contradictory goodness rebut: 

A: The season is not over, there are 25 games left to play and it will end most likely on April 15. Of course, it won’t end then for me. And, frankly, whether you or anyone thinks it’s “over” is of quite little consequence to me because I still have to do my job.

A wee bit too late

Can someone please tell Hans Douglas Smith that you're supposed to pick scrappy feel-good underdogs BEFORE they upset?

New favourite ball team:

Netherlands.

Anyone else watch that great game last night before clicking over to Phoenix-Dallas?

My new favourite team is the '07 NY Giants.