Tuesday, January 29, 2008

TSN.ca forgoes journalism in favour of blog stealing

TSN.ca profiles The Wages Of Wins analysis of the Raptors through the first half of the season. It's clear from the article that no one from TSN talked to writer Dave Berri or actually understands anything about what things like "Wins Produced" really is.

But we're all for the blatant theft of blog content for mainstream media use.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Teams as stocks

In this fantastic mid-season analysis of all 30 NBA teams, Jack McCallum has decided to use stock prices and their change in value as a rating tool. I swear!

Here is one:

Price at beginning of season: $5
Current price: 50 cents
Analysis: Immature workforce in need of veteran stability, but vets reportedly tuning out management. Company headquarters due to be moved. Patient investors can look to maturation of prime asset Durant.


So he picks an almost arbitrary starting price and current price and then uses it as an attempt at humour? Because if it's not supposed to be funny, then I really don't get it. Is this it supposed to actually represent an analytical tool? If you can figure it out, please let me know.

Update:

In my haste to get this posted, I missed something incredibly obvious. The analysis section is even worse than the stock prices. Plus, this is my new favorite.


Dallas Mavericks (MAV)

Price at beginning of season: $55
Current price: $54.50
Analysis: As if old competitors weren't enough, company didn't anticipate new regional battle with NOH. But if young quarterbacking (Harris) doesn't fade and Dax Index (Nowitzki) stays strong, Cubanists could flourish.


Friday, January 18, 2008

Doug Smith: luckily not the Raptors' GM

I heard a discussion on the Swirsky show about a Bargnani and a shooter for Chris Kaman and wonder if (assuming LA was willing) you would make that deal?

Tim B, Kaohsiung, Taiwan

A: You’re in Taiwan listening to Swirsky? I’m speechless.

No, I wouldn’t make that deal.

Kudos to Taiwan for having better basketball sense than a professional basketball journalist.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

St. Louis hopes the 31-year-old Glaus can protect Albert Pujols. Glaus recalled that, as a 6-year-old growing up in California, he told his mother he would one day play third base for the Cardinals.

He's not even sure why he said it.

"Funny thing is here it is 25 years later and I get a chance to do that," he said.

Freeeeeeeeeeaaaaaakkkkkkyyyyyyy.

The Toronto Dirtbags

Read this.

Then this.

I think the Leafs should go out and find some Assfaces.
And the Raptors could use an all around Munger with solid fundamentals.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Good (!) point made my Doug Smith

Okay, we can do Brandon Roy vs. Andrea Bargnani 'til the cows come home (and we do) but how in the world did Minnesota actually take Roy and trade him for Randy Foye?

That's ridiculous.


Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Maybe John Stockton circa 1997 is available

I could comment on Doug Smith's ideas of who the Raptors might want to look at as a point guard, but Raptors HQ has beaten me to the punch.

Once you've recovered from your laughing fit from thinking the Raptors might go after Sam Cassell or Damon Stoudamire, consider this:

There are probably 300 marginal NBA, NBDL, CBA, Euroleague, or Harlem Globetrotters who could play the position of point guard better than Juan Dixon or Derrick Martin. Doug Smith made a joke about some of our 10 day contracts in the past but I would take Derrick Dial in a second over Derrick Martin. Fuck, will someone call Rod Strickland already?

Monday, January 7, 2008

Doug Smith has a way with words. Not a good way. Just a way.

Journalism schools must have only recently began teaching students how to not write run-on sentences as proven by this delightful paragraph by a Mr. Doug Smith, professional journalist and all around great guy.

Read it out loud to yourself:

It will be nice to recall how great he was as he hit shots and drove the lane and dished to open teammates in the corner, all while carrying on rather one-sided conversations with the Raptor bench and a few courtside fans.

Friday, January 4, 2008

Griffy, I missed you...

Richard Griffin has returned with another excellent piece of writing. Let us begin.

[...] Coach Mike Evans would bounce a pass to Dixon above the circle, four hard dribbles right or left, followed by a jump shot. Left-right-left, swish-swish-clank. Yes, Allen Iverson ... it's called practice.

Hallmark of a terrible sportswriter - you are making a joke about something that happened at least 5 years ago and was funny for about 5 minutes.

With the Raptors' numbing loss of T.J. Ford, his backup Jose Calderon has now taken over the majority of the minutes at the point. And with Darrick Martin looking better in a suit than a uniform, Dixon's the one ... or, at least the 1-eh. [...]

I don't get this joke. I mean, I get the reference to Canadians saying "eh" but I would really like to understand the appropriateness of using it here. Also, what editor let that past them? Or were they chuckling right along with ol' Rich?

Left to wonder in which direction his NBA career was headed, he agrees that, in hindsight, the words of hip-hop artist Kanye West reflect his philosophy on the bench.
"Th-that that don't kill me, can only make me stronger," Kanye spits out in his hit song "Stronger." That could have been written for all the young guys in suits sitting at the end of NBA benches.

"That's what it's all about, man," Dixon agreed. "When you're sitting over there on the bench, it's tough. It wears on you mentally. You've got to stay strong. Like Kanye says, it's not going to kill you, it only makes you strong and work harder."

I don't even think anything needs to be said. However, I will say that I love that he got the "th-that" part down accurately.

I will conclude with a short commentary on Richard Griffin. I have been reading The Star for quite some time. I have yet to read anything by Griffin that has exceeded the writing level I was capable of in grade 10. Yet this guy does this for a living. Something is seriously wrong here.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Are you both 5?

From Rogers Clemens recent interview with Mike Wallace:

Clemens told CBS that McNamee's accusation was "ridiculous" and said he "never" used banned substances.

"Swear?" CBS's Mike Wallace asked Clemens.

"Swear," Clemens responded.


Little did Mikey know that Roger had crossed both his fingers and toes, thus negating the promise.

Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Let's hope 2008 brings us something better than this

Cathal Kelly interviewed a psychic and then posted her predictions. Let's see what the future holds. Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.........


The management of Toronto's various teams aren't shy about making predictions. We know how those have turned out in recent years.

So the Star contacted someone with a little more experience in foreseeing the future and fewer axes to grind. Toronto psychic Deborah Levin uses her clairvoyant abilities to peer into the not-too-distant future. Though not a sports fan, she agreed to answer a few questions about what local rooters should be expecting in the year to come.


First, I just need to state the obvious. Deborah Levin is a fraud. You know how I know that? Because nobody can see the motherfucking future.

Sadly, she saw more disappointment for the Leafs and worry for the Raptors. But there's a boost for beleaguered pitcher Roger Clemens and a vote of confidence for Leafs GM John Ferguson.

Do you see a parade up Bay St. in the near future?

No.


Going out on a limb, are we?

(Gulp) Well, do the Leafs make the playoffs at least?

I'd like to say they at least make it in, but I'm not feeling too favourable at this point. Sorry. Do they move players around at the last minute?


Not only does she make an ambivalent statement that she could weasel out of in the future but she doesn't even know if there are such things as trades.

Sure, teams make trades at the deadline.

They're bringing someone in at the last minute, but it's going to be someone really cool, someone really desirable.


I'll bet her even money that doesn't happen since we have nothing of real value to trade.

How about (Leafs coach) Paul Maurice, is he going to last the year?

I don't see longevity there. I think they're going to bring in some sort of new coach and he's going to be a real hothead, a real showboater. He's going to do really well, but man does he have a temper, he's a real loose cannon. I'm not sure if this is coming up immediately. It might be in the next couple of years.


Classic psychic double-speak. Let's cut out the bullshit in the middle and see what she has to say. "I don't see longevity here...I'm not sure if this is coming up immediately." So, what you are really saying is you have no fucking clue.

Since clairvoyants see images of the future we ask, What does the new coach look like?

Really ruddy complexion, lighter haired. Someone who turns purple when they scream.


Well at least we have a definitive prediction we can point to when she is wrong.

Okay, Canada started the world juniors on Boxing Day. Do you see success?

Which sport is that?


You suck worse than I imagined you would.

Hockey.

How many teams start the tournament?

Eight (ed. note: I was wrong, it's 10).


And Kelly, you suck too.

I see them getting to the last four. They're not going to win, but it'll be respectable.

She probably should have kept it to a last four prediction so now we have another direct statement to possibly prove her wrong.

How many medals do you see for Canada in Beijing?

I see a lot of silver for us.


Vague bullshit.

Any gold?

I think we're going to bring back a couple. But I'm seeing a lot of silver. We're going to do well.


More vague bullshit that is supported by past Olympic results.

Okay, I'm moving to the Raptors, the basketball team. How well will they do this year?

There's plans for a huge cash injection. A lot of money. I don't know where that goes or what that means to you, but they're going to have a lot of money.

Let's hope that's playoff money. How about T.J. Ford, he's a player who's been hurt recently. Is he going to be okay?


Cathal realizes the answer makes virtually no sense in a league with a salary cap and luxury tax so he tries to make it a hit with the playoff money comment. Don't help the monkey out.

I think he believes that he can overcome it, but I worry that he's going to push himself when he physically can't manage certain things any more. I want to ask you, is Hollywood into the Raptors?


Another generic prediction about what a dedicated and hardworking athlete might do in trying to overcome a serious injury. You should be proud, Deborah.

Yeah, I suppose.

I get this feeling like Hollywood's taking interest, movie stars coming to games, which I'm sure happens all the time, or they're getting a player or two that are in the media all the time, superstars. All I get is that Hollywood's taking over.


You have no fucking clue what you're talking about.


Okay, there's been a lot of talk about Toronto getting a National Football League franchise. Do you see that happening?

The money's not there. ... Bringing one here is going to make a lot of people upset. That's all I know. It's unwanted in a way. I see a lot of resistance.


Actually, the money is there. And then you make a point that anyone who reads a newspaper would make. Bravo.

Will Michael Vick play football again?

(Levin, an animal lover, knows that name.) Yup. As disgusting as that is, he will.


Let's check back in 3 years but she's probably right on this one.


Will the New England Patriots win the Super Bowl?

Isn't that strange. Somebody's getting sick. A serious illness.


Just bizarre. However, I know that she likes this type of prediction because it can be spun so many ways if you were to call her out on it after the fact.

What's the future for (Maple Leafs general manager) John Ferguson Jr.?

They like him. Is he doing anything?


You can't even predict the present!

Er, well, the team's not doing so hot. What's his future like?

You know what? They're keeping him around.


Once again, no.

Back to baseball. Barry Bonds. Is he going to jail?

That name I've heard. ... His career is screwed up. That's it. Is he going to jail? What I get is one hell of a fine, one hell of a penalty.


So he'll get a fine or jail time. Another ballsy prediction.

How about Roger Clemens and steroids? Will he admit wrongdoing?

Do they know for sure that he did it? I think some lies are being told here.

So he didn't do it?

I don't get steroids. Why would someone try to get someone in trouble like that? I don't get steroids around him. I don't believe it.


And you are clearly a huge tool. Thanks Deb for the idiocy. You brightened up by Tuesday afternoon.